Survivor 16: Miconesia - Nobody's Favorites
Snuggly chair? Check
Turkey sandwich? Check
Giganto TV so as not to miss a single second of the best guilty pleasure on TV? Check, double check!
Bring on the sand fleas!
With the writer's strike dragging into a third month, there are two things of which we can be certain. We will be treated to endless network re-runs, and CBS will attempt to salvage its ratings by sending another set of 20 fools out to a remote island in the south seas.
Survivor has been on for 16 seasons now, and CBS has done everything in its power to keep the show fresh and interesting. Dubbed “Fans vs Faves” Rob Burnett (aka “The Puppetmaster) has called back 10 of it’s more infamous contestants to play against 10 fresh-faced newbies who have no more survivor experience than I do. Will the experienced players have an edge against those who have only been observers? I don’t know, we’ll have to see.
The term “favorites” is interpreted somewhat broadly here, as the true good guy/girl favorites make for lousy TV. Who would watch 16 weeks of everyone treating each other nicely? Ok, who besides me? This has resulted in a team of a few good guys (James and Yau Man, Ozzy) with a group of people so irritating that Eliza (aka “Snivels” from a previous season) is the least offensive of the bunch.
Of course by now you are probably aware that “Johnny Fairplay” has also made a return to the island. This is the dirtbag from a few seasons ago who garnered sympathy from his teammates by crying over the death of his grandmother. This took everyone by surprise, including the grandmother who was home, very much alive and watching the show on TV. Following his stint on Survivor, his only other claim to fame was doing a lawn-dart impression at the hands of fellow dirtbag Danny Bonaduce. Never in my life have I seen someone so desperate for fame and recognition, but I’ll get back to that in a second.
The “fans” come straight out of central casting. There’s the skinny but strong hot guy, the strong but seemingly slow hot guy, the gaggle of implant-laden starlet wannabes, the sole gay man and the crazy old broad. They excitedly assemble on their mat to get their buffs and marching orders from Jeffy.
They bring out the “faves” one at a time…as though they are rock stars. Now I have seen at least a few episodes of every single season of the show, and I had to think long and hard about who the heck some of these people were. But as each one is brought out, the fans clap with excitement and seem honored to be in their presence.
Suckers.
Jeffy sends them off to their boats and tells them about an immunity idol they can find and use, but only at the first tribal council. Everyone is scrambling like mad on the beach to find it. Yau man and Fairplay spot it at the same time and make a mad dash to get their hands on it. Both arrive at the same time to get it, Yau-man gets the upper-hand by tackling Fairplay and shoving his head into the side of the canoe. Don’t let his shy demeanor fool you. That little guy came to play. He actually winds up with idols for both teams, opting to hand the Fans’ idol to the crazy old broad….guaranteeing at least 36 hours of crazy-assed ramblings.
There’s not much more to talk about with the fans, as very little time was spent at their camp. The time that was spent there was devoted to Kathleen (aka crazy old broad), a “golf course vendor” who has absolutely no filter between her brain and her mouth.
Ehhhhxxxxcellent!
She makes a name for herself by approaching Chet and talking about how unfamiliar she is with gay men. There is a deeply uncomfortable moment where she asks him what she should call him (“Chet” would have been my choice, but what do I know?) because she (and I quote) has “never known any gay people before.” Chet wisely points out that she may know lots of gay people who just weren’t out of the closet. That gives her a moment of pause, and then there are hugs all around….uncomfortable moment averted.
You’d think that would be enough shoe leather for one afternoon, but Kathleen moves from making Chet uncomfortable to asking another girl about her breast implants saying, “I’ve never seen breast implants before!”
Ok, so she has never known any gay people, and never seen breast implants. Either this woman lives under a rock, or is the most oblivious woman on the planet. Either way, I could watch her all freaking evening. Well, more accurately, I got a perverse joy out of watching her team-mates squirm knowing that she had immunity and that they were stuck with her for at least a few more days.
Yes, I know I need to get out more.
So over at the “faves” tribe, alliances are being made, namely on a one-on-one basis. Parvati instantly moves in on James, and Amanda moves in on Ozzy...getting the whore contingent started early.
No one is more concerned about the “hooking up” than Eliza (aka Snivels.) She skulks around like a Chihuahua on bad crack, talking about how she felt threatened, and that she feared she would be the first to go. I would have thought that Fairplay the dirtbag would have been the biggest threat, but no one ever said that anyone who has ever played this game was smart.
Factions form, and those getting island nookie are squared off against those not getting the island nookie. But you would think that getting booted wouldn’t be an issue this early, right? I mean, there’s an immunity challenge coming, and there’s no way that the experienced ones would lose, right?
Wrong-o.
The newbies win the first challenge (obstacles, challenges, the routine drill) and send the faves back to the island to deliberate in earnest about who should get the boot. Snivels and Parvati are the top candidates, with the non-nookie getters trying to woo Fairplay on their side.
It seems like I have to say this every season…and it surprises me given the fact that these people have all played the show. Woo Fairplay? Are you kidding me? Have they not SEEN the show?
Here’s where I get irritated with the whole thing. There’s some lip-service as to who’s going to go, but then there is a lot of time spent about Fairplay wanting to go home, how his girlfriend (another reality show reject) is 7 months pregnant, and he just wants to be a good father…blah, blah blah.
It’s all bovine excrement.
About a week before filming started on this show, Fairplay had his encounter with Danny Bonaduce. For those who have not seen the Youtube film (and I would recommend it if you haven’t), Fairplay decided it would be funny to jump into the arms of a clearly agitated and quite possibly loaded Danny Bonaduce. This is something akin to waving your fingers in front of a coiled rattle snake to be funny. You can be guaranteed that neither one will work out well.
So anyway, Fairplay jumps into Danny’s arms . Never the paragon of sanity in the first place, Danny throws Fairplay off of him. Fairplay flies over Bonaduce’s head, and goes face-first onto a concrete floor…shattering his upper jaw, and the bone that holds all of his upper teeth in his head. This requires oral surgery and braces, and of course litigation has commenced.
All of this happened a week before Survivor was to begin filming, and Fairplay went to Micronesia with his face stitched together and a truckload of Vicodin.…which they would not allow him to take once filming commenced.
(All of this was explained by Fairplay in an interview I heard this morning, by the way)
So he’s out there with a face full of stitches with no pain meds. He’s signed a contract and paid to be there, but it’s obvious early on that he’s not going to make it 3 days, let alone 39. So they let him claim that he misses his girlfriend and daughter and ask to be voted off because he knows that it’s more important to be home for them. In reality he felt like crap, and didn’t want to be stuck on the sand for all that time without drugs.
Honestly, I don’t blame him for not wanting to be out there with a broken face. Just don’t give us all this BS about wanting to be a good father and all that crap. Clearly the rest of the team was in on the gig because everyone, in spite of telling us how important it would be to keep him, voted him off without question.
We’ve been had folks, but if it got him off the show early, far be it from me to complain. I just hope that they limit the manipulation of the audience for the rest of the season.
Have a good night all, see you next week,
K
Turkey sandwich? Check
Giganto TV so as not to miss a single second of the best guilty pleasure on TV? Check, double check!
Bring on the sand fleas!
With the writer's strike dragging into a third month, there are two things of which we can be certain. We will be treated to endless network re-runs, and CBS will attempt to salvage its ratings by sending another set of 20 fools out to a remote island in the south seas.
Survivor has been on for 16 seasons now, and CBS has done everything in its power to keep the show fresh and interesting. Dubbed “Fans vs Faves” Rob Burnett (aka “The Puppetmaster) has called back 10 of it’s more infamous contestants to play against 10 fresh-faced newbies who have no more survivor experience than I do. Will the experienced players have an edge against those who have only been observers? I don’t know, we’ll have to see.
The term “favorites” is interpreted somewhat broadly here, as the true good guy/girl favorites make for lousy TV. Who would watch 16 weeks of everyone treating each other nicely? Ok, who besides me? This has resulted in a team of a few good guys (James and Yau Man, Ozzy) with a group of people so irritating that Eliza (aka “Snivels” from a previous season) is the least offensive of the bunch.
Of course by now you are probably aware that “Johnny Fairplay” has also made a return to the island. This is the dirtbag from a few seasons ago who garnered sympathy from his teammates by crying over the death of his grandmother. This took everyone by surprise, including the grandmother who was home, very much alive and watching the show on TV. Following his stint on Survivor, his only other claim to fame was doing a lawn-dart impression at the hands of fellow dirtbag Danny Bonaduce. Never in my life have I seen someone so desperate for fame and recognition, but I’ll get back to that in a second.
The “fans” come straight out of central casting. There’s the skinny but strong hot guy, the strong but seemingly slow hot guy, the gaggle of implant-laden starlet wannabes, the sole gay man and the crazy old broad. They excitedly assemble on their mat to get their buffs and marching orders from Jeffy.
They bring out the “faves” one at a time…as though they are rock stars. Now I have seen at least a few episodes of every single season of the show, and I had to think long and hard about who the heck some of these people were. But as each one is brought out, the fans clap with excitement and seem honored to be in their presence.
Suckers.
Jeffy sends them off to their boats and tells them about an immunity idol they can find and use, but only at the first tribal council. Everyone is scrambling like mad on the beach to find it. Yau man and Fairplay spot it at the same time and make a mad dash to get their hands on it. Both arrive at the same time to get it, Yau-man gets the upper-hand by tackling Fairplay and shoving his head into the side of the canoe. Don’t let his shy demeanor fool you. That little guy came to play. He actually winds up with idols for both teams, opting to hand the Fans’ idol to the crazy old broad….guaranteeing at least 36 hours of crazy-assed ramblings.
There’s not much more to talk about with the fans, as very little time was spent at their camp. The time that was spent there was devoted to Kathleen (aka crazy old broad), a “golf course vendor” who has absolutely no filter between her brain and her mouth.
Ehhhhxxxxcellent!
She makes a name for herself by approaching Chet and talking about how unfamiliar she is with gay men. There is a deeply uncomfortable moment where she asks him what she should call him (“Chet” would have been my choice, but what do I know?) because she (and I quote) has “never known any gay people before.” Chet wisely points out that she may know lots of gay people who just weren’t out of the closet. That gives her a moment of pause, and then there are hugs all around….uncomfortable moment averted.
You’d think that would be enough shoe leather for one afternoon, but Kathleen moves from making Chet uncomfortable to asking another girl about her breast implants saying, “I’ve never seen breast implants before!”
Ok, so she has never known any gay people, and never seen breast implants. Either this woman lives under a rock, or is the most oblivious woman on the planet. Either way, I could watch her all freaking evening. Well, more accurately, I got a perverse joy out of watching her team-mates squirm knowing that she had immunity and that they were stuck with her for at least a few more days.
Yes, I know I need to get out more.
So over at the “faves” tribe, alliances are being made, namely on a one-on-one basis. Parvati instantly moves in on James, and Amanda moves in on Ozzy...getting the whore contingent started early.
No one is more concerned about the “hooking up” than Eliza (aka Snivels.) She skulks around like a Chihuahua on bad crack, talking about how she felt threatened, and that she feared she would be the first to go. I would have thought that Fairplay the dirtbag would have been the biggest threat, but no one ever said that anyone who has ever played this game was smart.
Factions form, and those getting island nookie are squared off against those not getting the island nookie. But you would think that getting booted wouldn’t be an issue this early, right? I mean, there’s an immunity challenge coming, and there’s no way that the experienced ones would lose, right?
Wrong-o.
The newbies win the first challenge (obstacles, challenges, the routine drill) and send the faves back to the island to deliberate in earnest about who should get the boot. Snivels and Parvati are the top candidates, with the non-nookie getters trying to woo Fairplay on their side.
It seems like I have to say this every season…and it surprises me given the fact that these people have all played the show. Woo Fairplay? Are you kidding me? Have they not SEEN the show?
Here’s where I get irritated with the whole thing. There’s some lip-service as to who’s going to go, but then there is a lot of time spent about Fairplay wanting to go home, how his girlfriend (another reality show reject) is 7 months pregnant, and he just wants to be a good father…blah, blah blah.
It’s all bovine excrement.
About a week before filming started on this show, Fairplay had his encounter with Danny Bonaduce. For those who have not seen the Youtube film (and I would recommend it if you haven’t), Fairplay decided it would be funny to jump into the arms of a clearly agitated and quite possibly loaded Danny Bonaduce. This is something akin to waving your fingers in front of a coiled rattle snake to be funny. You can be guaranteed that neither one will work out well.
So anyway, Fairplay jumps into Danny’s arms . Never the paragon of sanity in the first place, Danny throws Fairplay off of him. Fairplay flies over Bonaduce’s head, and goes face-first onto a concrete floor…shattering his upper jaw, and the bone that holds all of his upper teeth in his head. This requires oral surgery and braces, and of course litigation has commenced.
All of this happened a week before Survivor was to begin filming, and Fairplay went to Micronesia with his face stitched together and a truckload of Vicodin.…which they would not allow him to take once filming commenced.
(All of this was explained by Fairplay in an interview I heard this morning, by the way)
So he’s out there with a face full of stitches with no pain meds. He’s signed a contract and paid to be there, but it’s obvious early on that he’s not going to make it 3 days, let alone 39. So they let him claim that he misses his girlfriend and daughter and ask to be voted off because he knows that it’s more important to be home for them. In reality he felt like crap, and didn’t want to be stuck on the sand for all that time without drugs.
Honestly, I don’t blame him for not wanting to be out there with a broken face. Just don’t give us all this BS about wanting to be a good father and all that crap. Clearly the rest of the team was in on the gig because everyone, in spite of telling us how important it would be to keep him, voted him off without question.
We’ve been had folks, but if it got him off the show early, far be it from me to complain. I just hope that they limit the manipulation of the audience for the rest of the season.
Have a good night all, see you next week,
K
Labels: Micronesia, Summary, Survivor, Television
posted by Kimmie @ 10:30 PM
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