"Oh yeah baby, I'm like a train wreck. You couldn't look away even if you wanted to.That's the kind of bad MoFo I am."
Damn you Jeff Probst! I wish I could quit you! No game involved, no real reason to watch a trite and over-used premise and yet I have counted the seconds until I could have a quiet night at home to watch desperate people doing everything in their power to starve on some bug-infested wasteland for 39 days. Is it wrong that I got goosebumps when I heard the theme-song? Welcome back kids! As you are probably aware, this season's "social experiment" is all about race. Four tribes divided by ethnicity....a plot that has resulted in advertisers cancelling, politicians denouncing, and CBS execs trying to wipe the dollar signs out of their fields of vision. Nothing says "jackpot" like a righteous indignation. CBS had paint and signs ready for anyone who wanted to boycott the show, but none of them took them up on the offer.
So these four tribes are divided by race. This means that no one is going to be able to say that "I was voted of because I was [Insert Ethnicity Here.]" Yup. No more race cards. They will just have to play the age, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, country of origin, pickup-truck, sports, or jell-o preference cards. Let's face it people. It doesn't matter who or what you are. Others are going to judge you on some facet of you. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Lighten up.
I find it interesting this season that the group of 20 that they have assembled have the ethnic diversity of the average Beverly Hills Starbucks. Sure, everyone looks different, but the moment they open their mouths, it's "like, ohmigod, we totally suck at making fire."
Sure, there are the notable exceptions. Cao Boi (or "Kim's honorary crazy-assed survivor" as I have begun calling him) is a Vietnamese refugee, but even he looks like he comes from central casting. They clearly were selecting these teams based on pretty people, lest they be accused of not selecting a fair representation of any race. God forbid they find anyone interesting.
And yet, even though they were being oh-so-politically correct, the teams still wound up saying the stereotpyical things about themselves that coming from anyone else would result in an immediate ass-kicking.
For example:
"My parents rowed a boat to escape their home. Now I'm on a boat rowing back."
"We're a bunch of little people with slanted eyes...no one expects us to do anything."
"Black people don't like being told what to do."
and my personal favorite: "Go Whitey."
Annnnnyyyyyway. Everyone's on the only clipper ship in the western hemisphere not piloted by Johnny Depp, sailing towards the Cook Islands The whistle blows, and everyone scrambles to steal everything they can get their hands on. Each team must collect everything they can to take with them on a raft that they will row to the beach. It's mass chaos. People are tossing things over the side to teammates, and safety clearly is not the word of the day. A cord of firewood goes over the side of the boat, and barely misses the heads of several people below. Another woman can be seen running on the decks of the ship, machete in hand. (did no one tell her not to run with sharp things?!?!?!?) Live chickens are grabbed and tossed to teammates, then lost to others. Mass hysteria, I tell you.
Amidst the chaos comes a beam of light. With whitened teeth, a fake-and-bake tan and more hair product than I wear in a month, Jeffy emerges from the throngs to tell us that yes, once again, the game is on.
From that point, Survivor is just as it has always been. A bunch of wanna-be TV stars rowing to an island for the opportunity to win a million bucks or be playmate of the month. There's shelter and fires to be built, alliances to be made, and outcasts to be shunned.
Chief amongst the outcasts is Cao Boi, A Vietnamese nail salon owner who is older and wierder than any of his Asian yuppie teammates. He endears himself to his teammates by telling racial jokes and hammering home the point that no one else on the team has a clue about the real world. While this may be true, reminding them of this fact will not exactly help his case.
At one point a teammate - Brad - has a headache. Cao Boy takes it upon himself to relieve Brad's "bad wind." and does some hocus pocus on his forehead that results in a bruise between his eyes.
Now, Brad acknolwedges the fact that his headache was gone....but was devastated that he would have a red mark the size of a dime on his forehead. He is next seen with a ballcap pulled low so that it would not be visible to the cameras. God forbid. Anyone see the blisters and the bug bites from previous seasons? If a little red mark is what you're worried about, stand by Sparky.
Runner up in the "weird outcast" category is Jessica...dubbed "Flicka" by her friends back home. Her Survivor buddies also call her Flicka until she lets the two prized chickens out of their box and they escape into the woods. At that point her teammates stopped calling her Flicka and started calling her names that I can't print here. Johnathan was the most irritated of the bunch, mostly because he stole the chickens from the Asian guys in the first place. Charming.
[Show of hands. Who thinks she did that purposefully because she's an animal lover who didn't want to see a chicken killed live and in technicolor?]
Before we know it, it's time for a challenge. Race where puzzles, boats, running and climbing are involved. Top three winners get immunity and flint, losers go to tribal council. The Asians win, the Hispanics closely follow, and it's a fight to the finish between the African American tribe and "Team Whitey." In the end, Team Whitey claims the last spot, and team Hiki is sent to the first tribal. But before they go, they have the opportunity to send someone to Exile Island from one of the other teams.
They choose Jonathan, the bad hat wearing, nasal voiced chicken thief. Be gone with you!
The teams go back home, and the African American tribe must decide who of the 5 is going to be going home.
Do they decide by gender? (3 women 2 men) By friendships? (One woman is on the outside) By strength level? (the guys have the clear advantage.) I mean really, who needs race when you have all these other options to choose from?
The three women set aside any differences they have (age and home state) to oust one of the guys. Jazz musician Sekou makes a play to stay, but his efforts sound more like bragging when he insists that he is the only one on the team capable of building fire. Whatever.
Three votes for Sekou send him packing, and the rest of us wait for the next installment of politically-correct Survivor.
Can't wait. :)
Until next time.
So these four tribes are divided by race. This means that no one is going to be able to say that "I was voted of because I was [Insert Ethnicity Here.]" Yup. No more race cards. They will just have to play the age, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, country of origin, pickup-truck, sports, or jell-o preference cards. Let's face it people. It doesn't matter who or what you are. Others are going to judge you on some facet of you. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Lighten up.
I find it interesting this season that the group of 20 that they have assembled have the ethnic diversity of the average Beverly Hills Starbucks. Sure, everyone looks different, but the moment they open their mouths, it's "like, ohmigod, we totally suck at making fire."
Sure, there are the notable exceptions. Cao Boi (or "Kim's honorary crazy-assed survivor" as I have begun calling him) is a Vietnamese refugee, but even he looks like he comes from central casting. They clearly were selecting these teams based on pretty people, lest they be accused of not selecting a fair representation of any race. God forbid they find anyone interesting.
And yet, even though they were being oh-so-politically correct, the teams still wound up saying the stereotpyical things about themselves that coming from anyone else would result in an immediate ass-kicking.
For example:
"My parents rowed a boat to escape their home. Now I'm on a boat rowing back."
"We're a bunch of little people with slanted eyes...no one expects us to do anything."
"Black people don't like being told what to do."
and my personal favorite: "Go Whitey."
Annnnnyyyyyway. Everyone's on the only clipper ship in the western hemisphere not piloted by Johnny Depp, sailing towards the Cook Islands The whistle blows, and everyone scrambles to steal everything they can get their hands on. Each team must collect everything they can to take with them on a raft that they will row to the beach. It's mass chaos. People are tossing things over the side to teammates, and safety clearly is not the word of the day. A cord of firewood goes over the side of the boat, and barely misses the heads of several people below. Another woman can be seen running on the decks of the ship, machete in hand. (did no one tell her not to run with sharp things?!?!?!?) Live chickens are grabbed and tossed to teammates, then lost to others. Mass hysteria, I tell you.
Amidst the chaos comes a beam of light. With whitened teeth, a fake-and-bake tan and more hair product than I wear in a month, Jeffy emerges from the throngs to tell us that yes, once again, the game is on.
From that point, Survivor is just as it has always been. A bunch of wanna-be TV stars rowing to an island for the opportunity to win a million bucks or be playmate of the month. There's shelter and fires to be built, alliances to be made, and outcasts to be shunned.
Chief amongst the outcasts is Cao Boi, A Vietnamese nail salon owner who is older and wierder than any of his Asian yuppie teammates. He endears himself to his teammates by telling racial jokes and hammering home the point that no one else on the team has a clue about the real world. While this may be true, reminding them of this fact will not exactly help his case.
At one point a teammate - Brad - has a headache. Cao Boy takes it upon himself to relieve Brad's "bad wind." and does some hocus pocus on his forehead that results in a bruise between his eyes.
Now, Brad acknolwedges the fact that his headache was gone....but was devastated that he would have a red mark the size of a dime on his forehead. He is next seen with a ballcap pulled low so that it would not be visible to the cameras. God forbid. Anyone see the blisters and the bug bites from previous seasons? If a little red mark is what you're worried about, stand by Sparky.
Runner up in the "weird outcast" category is Jessica...dubbed "Flicka" by her friends back home. Her Survivor buddies also call her Flicka until she lets the two prized chickens out of their box and they escape into the woods. At that point her teammates stopped calling her Flicka and started calling her names that I can't print here. Johnathan was the most irritated of the bunch, mostly because he stole the chickens from the Asian guys in the first place. Charming.
[Show of hands. Who thinks she did that purposefully because she's an animal lover who didn't want to see a chicken killed live and in technicolor?]
Before we know it, it's time for a challenge. Race where puzzles, boats, running and climbing are involved. Top three winners get immunity and flint, losers go to tribal council. The Asians win, the Hispanics closely follow, and it's a fight to the finish between the African American tribe and "Team Whitey." In the end, Team Whitey claims the last spot, and team Hiki is sent to the first tribal. But before they go, they have the opportunity to send someone to Exile Island from one of the other teams.
They choose Jonathan, the bad hat wearing, nasal voiced chicken thief. Be gone with you!
The teams go back home, and the African American tribe must decide who of the 5 is going to be going home.
Do they decide by gender? (3 women 2 men) By friendships? (One woman is on the outside) By strength level? (the guys have the clear advantage.) I mean really, who needs race when you have all these other options to choose from?
The three women set aside any differences they have (age and home state) to oust one of the guys. Jazz musician Sekou makes a play to stay, but his efforts sound more like bragging when he insists that he is the only one on the team capable of building fire. Whatever.
Three votes for Sekou send him packing, and the rest of us wait for the next installment of politically-correct Survivor.
Can't wait. :)
Until next time.
Labels: Survivor
posted by Kimmie @ 10:12 PM
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