Survivor Cook Islands: Episode 10 - The Timing of the Screw

Lessee....I have 9 people hanging onto telephone poles purely for my own entertainment.

Life is good.

(A catch-up summary of previous episodes can be found by scrolling down to the next entry.)

A happy Thanksgiving to all. I'm enjoying the waining hours of the long weekend before returning to work, but I could not do wo without paying a visit to our castaways for some entertainment.

Ok, so I mentioned in a previous post, cute blonde chick Candace and annoying Jonathan jumped from their old tribe to the other, earning the life-long hatred of their former tribemates. Candace's reason for doing so was less about strategy than it was the chance to reunite with Adam, one of her former "Team Whitey" tribemates. Her reuniting gave her at least one ally, and helped her continue her quest to neck in the bushes and create a master race of tall, blonde, blue-eyed, zit-free humans with great teeth.

Jonathan's move also had little to do with strategy because everyone hates him anyway. He just needed to get to a place where some people hated him *less* than other people. He figures that if he can work hard and show his worth to his tribe-mates, they will at least keep him on for another couple of challenges.

This brings up an interesting Survivor Dynamic: The A-hole factor. (see illustration below)



When the game starts, most people do not know much about each other, and must rely on first impressions to choose the person to sacrifice. If you show yourself as a complete rat-bastard right off the bat, you're a goner.

However, as the game progresses, if you manage to stay through immunity, providing sustenance for the team, divine intervention, etc, your chances improve. You go from being the rat bastard who no one can stand, to the perfect person to be seated next to you if you make it to the final 2 people. As long as the other person sees themselves as better than you, you can do everything short of being the anti-christ, and you're going to make it to the end. Come to think of it, being the anti-Christ might actually boost your rating even higher.

(Yes, I will take a moment and acknowledge the fact that I am probably going to be going to hell for that last statement.)

So Jonathan currently holds this coveted spot. Nobody likes him, nobody trusts him, but he works his tuckus off with the hopes that this will save his neck in the next few rounds of voting.

The problem with this plan is that the a-hole factor and arrogance typically go hand-in-hand. Jonathan vows to work hard and show his worth, but then gets bent out of shape that the rest of his tribe are lazy and content with him doing all the work. He says, (and I quote) "I'm not going to lose because you kids can't get your asses out of bed." They are acting like they have him over a barrel or something.

Ummmm. Yeahhh.

Sensitive to his new predicament, Jonathan attempts to make things better by barking orders and telling everyone how lazy they are. Brilliant strategy. Good luck with that.

Then it's time for a reward challenge....but Oops! The reward is to merge! Yep, all of the sucking up Jonathan does goes for nothing as the tribes merge into one big dysfunctional family.

Like all disfunctional families, they sit down to break bread and drink alcohol. Lots of alcohol. So much alcohol on empty stomachs that several are seen puking over the side of the catamaran upon which they are sailing.

Again, Jonathan is the corner whining about their behavior. Dear god Jonathan, take this as a freaking opportunity! One of the benefits of being the so called designated driver is that you can MESS with drunk people to make it work to your advantage. USE it!

Side note: Close your eyes for a moment and listen to Jonathan speak. Can you tell any difference between his voice and Alan Alda's? Nope. Me neither.

Anyway there's some bonding time, and before you know it, we're off to an immunity challenge!

Jeffy tells them that they have to climb up a telephone-pole-sized post, and hang there until they fall off. There are a few foot holds here and there, but for the most part, their success is going to depend on their ability to hang on.

Up they go, and it's not long before the guys are having trouble. Yul points out that while everyone has the same basic surface area on the feet with which to cling to the pole, the size of each person is the bigger success factor.

Thank you Mr. Science. His theory proves itself as the stronger, more muscular guys drop out first, and the last two people left on poles are cute blonde chick Candace, and human spider monkey Ozzy, who are able the same height and weight. In the end, Ozzy manages to outlast Candace, and he wins the first opportunity to win the necklace.

With his immunity set, the real jockeying for position begins anew at camp. The four pre-merge tribemates are outnumbered against the other five, so they feel the pressure. Yul, with all of his body-mass knowledge starts working out the possible combinations and permutations that would allow them to stay together as a group for another round of challenges. In order for this to happen, they are going to need at least one person from the other side to join them.

The only seemingly weak link in the other team's chain is Jonathan. Yul has a couple of conversations with Jonathan about making it past the next round of votes without some team support behind him. They hypothetically discuss the existence of the immunity idol, and if Yul had it or not. If Jonathan doesn't vote with Yul's crowd, it's going to end in a tie, and Jonathan is out. But if Jonathan flips back to the old tribe, his newly adopted teammates will, in his own words "go completely mental."

Nate and Adam, not necessarily the brain-trust, but think they are, decide that they want to get rid of Yul. The rest agree. Jonathan tries to convince them otherwise, and subtely suggest that Yul might have the idol. That is met with outright skepticism. They say that there is no way he could have the idol. After all, he was just there for like, one day or something.

Like, ohmigod.

So everyone goes to tribal council, Jonathan torn between screwing over the people he was close to winning over, and signing his own death warrant.

When the vote comes, it's down to Yul and Nate. Mind you, the immunity idol does not come into play until AFTER the vote, so if Yul were to get all the votes, then he would then have to show it. If Jonathan flips, and Nate goes, Yul gets to keep the idol for another week.

Final vote? Nate goes, and everyone is again pissed off at Jonathan.

What else is new?

See you next time kids. :)

Survivor: Catching up

Hi Survivor junkies! Thanks so much for e-mailing me and wanting to know what's going on. I would like to say that the reason for my silence is due to my skipping off to Europe for some quality time with John Cusak, but alas, it was far more mundane than that.

Thankfully I have had a few minutes to plunk out some quck synopses of what we have missed in the last 2 months (yes, 2 months...I know, I'm such a slacker.) This takes us up to the Survivor that aired on Thanksgiving...which I will post in a few hours.


Episode 2:

Billy, the rotund heavy-metal dude from the Hispanic team was less than beloved by his teammates, and they wasted little time bouncing him from the tribe. The most notable moment coming at the end of the episode when he told everyone that he was having a secret love affair with a cute blonde chick from another tribe. Problem was that this was all in Billy's head, and cute blonde chick spent the next episode writing out a restraining order on coconut husks.

Episode 3:

The hoopla ends. After all of the hysteria about the racial divisions and how it was a sign of the impending apocalypse, it ends after two and a half episodes. I feel so used. The four tribes merge into two, and we're back to the way we're used to. Yul (Asian Tribe) finds the immunity idol, and Cecilia, (Hispanic Tribe) gets the boot.

Episode 4:

Arrogance is the word of the day, and JP (Hispanic Tribe) has plenty of it. It's so bad that his tribe is willing to boot the athletic volleyball coach in favor of smaller and weaker players just to get him to go away. That's saying something.


Episode 5:

Stephanie, from the African American Tribe played the schizophrenic card by telling folks one moment how much she wants to stay on the island, and the next talking about how much she wishes she was enjoying a good home-cooked meal. Their tribe had no room for those not committed, so they gave her one of her wishes and sent her packing.

Episode 6:

It's a two-fer! Cristina the hispanic cop and Cao Boi the Asian Hippie were both incapable of surviving, or getting along with their tribemates. Jeffy offers the chance to boot two for the price of one, they take it, both are gone.

Episode 7:

Flicka is nobody's friend on the island, particularly after she knowingly freed the chickens her teammates had worked very hard to capture in the first place. She had her place when used as a bargaining chip, but when she opted to "go off the reservation" on votes, she was reinstated as the island's weird white girl outcast. Buh-bye!

Episode 8:

During the previous week's Challenge, the teams could choose their reward from a catalog of items. Brad the Asian fashion director felt that his team should choose certain items for strength and stamina. His teammates felt differently, and he took it personally. In fact, he took it so personally that he opted not to participate in the swimming portion of the challenge with the weak cop-out of "I'm better at puzzles than swimming." His team loses, so no one has to worry about rewards anyway. But this led to more than a little bitterness. When the time came to vote, he was atop the list, He left, but in a surprise to everyone, he became the first member of the jury. Oh snap!

And in another twist of a knife, Jeffy allows any member to mutiny and jump to the other tribe if they so choose. after a few sideways glances, Candace (the former obsession of Rocker Billy) jumps ship....and creepy Jonathan is quick to follow. This leaves their former tribe with four people, and gives the other team 6. Using that as the motivation to win, the underdogs shove it down the throat of their former teammates, and both of the mutineers are have gigantic targets on their back.


Episode 9:

Another two-fer. Apparently the season is not ending fast enough for Jeffy and the puppetmaster, so we knock off two more before the hour is up. Jenny the Asian real estate agent, and Rebecca the African American make-up artist (trivia: she's an emmy award winner who does former survivor Elisabeth's make up on The View) were booted. Jenny took the booting particularly hard, saying that if she knew she was going to be booted, she would have worked harder to make sure that wasn't happening. That statement alone was proof that her teammates did the right thing.


Wheeeeewww! Ok, We're caught up to Turkey Day. Will post that summary in a bit. :)

Diary of A Jeopardy! Hopeful



He's toying with me.

As a goof about 6 months ago, I logged onto the Jeopardy! (can't forget the exclamation point) website and told them I wanted to be a contestant. The site told me that if I wanted to sign up, that was fine, but I COULD ONLY DO IT ONCE. If I attempted to sign up more than one time I would be permanently denied the opportunity to acquire some lovely parting gifts. Those Jeopardy! people don't mess around.

Don't get me wrong. I would love to be the female version of Ken Jennings. (With more melanin and better boobs) But I also realize that my knowledge of world history and geography pales in comparison to what I know about Hollywood and the almighty Oprah. And since I seriously doubt that I would be asked to list the filmography of John Cusak, my chances of walking away with even turtle wax are slim at best.

So I'm hanging out around the house last week, and I get an e-mail from Alex Trebek! Apparently he has seen my request to audition, and has scheduled a very special day for me to take the test. ME! YAY! I immediately go to scour my closet to find something that will make me look like a rocket scientist AND hot at the same time. Unsuccessful in my quest, I return to my computer and realize that it doesn't matter. My date with Alex will be electronic. I will be taking the test from home. No need for a cute red suit, bunny slippers are fine.

In almost "Mission Impossible" fashion, I am instructed to register my information, and then return to my computer on Thursday evening. I am to log in "no later than 7:30pm" and the test was to begin at 8:00.

It is here that my naturally type-a behavior serves me well. I am at my comptuer (desktop...can't run the risk of the wireless hiccuping on my laptop halfway through) no later than 7:05. I open up several browser windows and search for everything from state capitals to a list of the presidents. Whatever I didn't know, I was going to have at my fingertips.

So at 7:10, I'm ready. I have logged in, I have my reference windows, I have my bunny slippers. I am psyched.

7:11 - I am antsy, and the Jeopardy! theme-song coming through my speakers is starting to get to me. I decide that since I have 45+ minutes, I am going to open up iTunes and at least get my groove on. My two songs are Stevie Wonder's "I Wish" and Mary Chapin Carpenter's "I feel lucky."

7:30 - I'm exhausted from the singing and dancing.

7:45 - Kill me. Kill me now.

7:50 - Relax. I can do this. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and I could kick Jennings' butt.

7:59 - Here we go.

It is at this point that my open reference windows will do me absolutely no good, as you have 15 seconds to type your answer. (Not in the form of a question. Go fig.) All fill in the blank. I barely have time to type the response before I move on. No going back, no extra time, you miss it, you're screwed.

Question 1. Got it.
Question 2. Umm I think I remember Mr. Pelletier telling us this in the 7th grade.
Question 3. Not about John Cusack, but I still got it
Question 4. Who are 5 people who have never been to my house?
Question 5. Damnit! I didn't mean to hit enter to skip it, I KNEW that one!!!!
Question 6. You have got to be kidding me. Steven Hawking couldn't answer this freaking question

And so it goes for 44 additional questions. I don't think I breathed the entire time. I got to the last question, and I was physically spent.

I looked at the clock. It had to have been at least an hour's worth of brain strain.

It had lasted 12 minutes.

Well, it's over. Do I think I did well? I think I did better than most, not as good as some. There were a few that I just had to (intentionally) pass on, and some I know I mistyped. They said that they will give credit for misspelled answers, so I hope I get by with answers like "The Magic Flue"

According to the rules, they never tell you your score...which I think bites, but I can understand them not wanting to be sued by yutzes who want to debate credit awarded in given areas.

The next step is to wait. They will go through the entries at random and select some for live interviews. So I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that they call.

Need to wear that red suit somewhere....and god knows I need some Turtle Wax. ;)